For the past few years I have had an on-again-off-again working relationship with a life coach. One of the things that I’ve been told is to expect amazing and wonderful things from the world, and to be ok with some disappointment when the world doesn’t deliver. This is a very different way of being than I usually experience, I am more comfortable setting low expectations and having low expectations, that way I can under-promise and over-deliver on a consistent basis, and when wonderful things happen I can be thrilled and when life sucks I’m not too disappointed.
I perceive myself as someone that doesn’t do disappointment very well.
Over the past 2 weeks or so I have made arrangements or dates with people and been rescheduled or cancelled on, or forgotten or neglected at least 6 times over 2 weeks. Most recently, over Valentines weekend I had plans to go to a show on Friday and have a cook-at-home dinner date in Saturday. Both of the people cancelled with VERY GOOD/ 100% legitimate reasons. Both have requested an opportunity to reschedule (which I’m looking forward to) but for me I experienced it as bitter icing on a sour cake. I had already been feeling “blown off” by a range of people leading up to that, so it was tough for me to be compassionate and understanding of the needs of other people when I just wanted to be angry and pissy about it.
On Friday night I was able to find another friend to go to the show, we had a nice dinner beforehand and I got a chance to see an artist that I’ve enjoyed for many years in a venue that I have longed to make a pilgrimage to. The person who accompanied me is a dear friend and I’m glad that we got to hang out, but I’m in nor rush to return to the venue. I wasn’t really “satisfied” when the show was over, and although I could have stayed for a second set I had enough of the place but wasn’t really ready to go home. I found another bar in Greenwich Village with no cover and a 3 piece jazz band where I had a cup of coffee and some dessert while I sat by myself and listened to music. Not the night I had looked forward to, but the disappointment wasn’t crushing.
Saturday night I simply decided to go out by myself. I went to one of the many, many Valentines Parties around New York. My community of people here was spread out so there wasn’t just one place where I’d know people. I went to an event in a familiar neighborhood and hung out for a while until people I knew showed up. I had a nice time chatting and being silly with them, It wasn’t the date that I’d imagined, but I was able to stay out late, have a nice time and not be overwhelmed with disappointment.
I’m going to hold very high expectations for the next 7 or 8 days though, as they include a rain check for Valentines, an evening exploring with someone I barely know, and a party with someone I like a great deal next Wednesday. It’s going to be an awesome, amazing week and I’m going to get to spend time with smart, beautiful and engaging people who enjoy my company and want to spend time with me. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m feeling lucky already!